


From the Ground Up

by alphagottadonk



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Invasion of Privacy, M/M, SO MUCH FLUFF, Sad Derek, Stiles Takes Care Of Derek, in which Derek has a diary and Stiles finds it, sad fluff?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-15
Updated: 2014-11-15
Packaged: 2018-02-25 10:59:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2619272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alphagottadonk/pseuds/alphagottadonk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Okay, so Derek had a diary? Stiles snorted in amusement at the thought of Derek lying in bed at night scribbling his frustrations out about how Scott would never accept him as his alpha, and then lost the chance when he was reverted back to beta again. He plopped down on the bed and turned the page, the smile falling when he read what it said.</p>
<p>(or the one where Derek sort of has a diary and Stiles is heart broken by the things that are written in it.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	From the Ground Up

  
When Stiles heard that Derek was going to drive down to New Mexico to pick Cora up and bring her home for the holidays, he thought he would try and do something nice by going over to the loft and clean it up a little bit. They’d been hanging out there a lot and a group of teenagers in one place? Tended to leave messes.

  
And okay, he wasn’t trying to snoop through Derek’s admittedly meager belongings, but as he was trying to smooth out the sheets on his bed, he saw the corner of a notebook peeking out from under the mattress and had it in his hands before he could convince himself otherwise.

  
It was a bit smaller than regular notebooks, with a hard spine and straight black cover that looked unassuming enough, but he could tell by how the pages were lightly crinkled that it was was at least filled a fourth of the way with writing.

  
He flipped it open to see the first page had a date at the top right corner, about six months previous. The page was filled with Derek’s smooth, tight-knit handwriting talking about how Cora urged him to at least give himself five minutes a night to just write down things that happened during the day. He wrote that he was just going to do these in list form, write out what was bad about the day, what was good about the day, and what he was indifferent about.

  
Okay, so Derek had a diary? Stiles snorted in amusement at the thought of Derek lying in bed at night scribbling his frustrations out about how Scott would never accept him as his alpha, and then lost the chance when he was reverted back to beta again. He plopped down on the bed and turned the page, the smile falling when he read what it said.

_bad:_

_* I got hurt again_

_* everything still hurts_

_* Everyone crowded around Scott to make sure he was okay.  I don’t think anyone even noticed me there, or they didn’t care_

_Good:_

_*_

_*_

_*_

_indifferent:_

_* I’m still alive_

He flipped through the pages, noticing how the bad list was always long, the good was usually empty or very diminutive, and the indifferent always said the same thing. ‘I’m still alive’. Sometimes, it showed up in the bad list instead, and Stiles didn’t like that.

He knew Derek was a grump, but he didn’t think he was that unhappy, okay? Six months worth of nightly excerpts and not a single one listed him being alive as a good thing. The only thing that remotely pulled Stiles’ attention from that was when he started seeing his name.

Sometimes it showed up in the bad list, but a lot of times it was in the good, little things like ‘Stiles texted at 3a.m. to ask some stupid question’  that Stiles did without a second thought most times. He never thought Derek would count them as good things.

He ended up reading through the lists feeling bad about the invasion of privacy, but he couldn’t deny he wasn’t glad for some of the things he read, learning parts of Derek he would probably never know otherwise if he wasn’t reading the diary.

Like for example, he was secretly so proud of Scott for managing to become an alpha without having to bloody his hands to do it, said he had high hopes for him. He also apparently had a stray cat that somehow made her way into the loft just over two months ago. She would just appear at nighttime to curl up in the bed by Derek’s pillow and sleep, then leave the next morning.

There were mentions of missing her from just a week ago, saying that he finally got rid of the cat food he’d bought for her, just for the cat to disappear and not come back. That kind of really broke Stiles’ heart, because at the bottom of the bad list, it read ‘everything leaves’.

The last entry was at least somewhat upbeat, mentioning on the good list that he was going to get Cora and she would be staying for the week, that he was happy to have her there. As usual, ‘I’m still alive’ was in the indifferent area, and Stiles really wanted to change that, so he put the book back where it had been and started plotting.

He didn’t do anything for the whole week Cora was there, figuring she would be able to keep him happy that time. It was probably after she left that he would go back to more bad than good, so that was when Stiles would start on his ‘operation: make Derek’s life awesome’ plan.

The day after he got back from taking Cora home, Stiles showed up at the loft with muffins, the kind with the almond shaving on the top and the raspberry filling in the middle that Derek liked, according to the diary. He got the most confused look he had probably ever seen on Derek’s face before he cautiously took one from the container Stiles was holding out to him, looking at it like he expected it to be laced with poison.

They ate in silence and then Stiles left, not sure Derek would want him there for more than a little bit at a time, and he didn’t want to seem obvious that he was up to something.

He texted him the next day, little things all through out the day like how laundry was the bane of his existence, or asking Derek his opinion on random topics. Hopefully, it was considered good and not annoying.

The next day, he slipped into the loft before school, somehow managing to get the door open without waking Derek. He couldn’t help but stop and stare at how soft his face looked when he slept, the usual crease between his brows gone and lips slightly parted. That wasn’t even mentioning the soft glow of early morning sunlight being cast over his sleeping form.

Right, he was there for a reason. He pulled the CD from his bag and left it on the coffee table, in plain sight before leaving for school. He got a text just after noon from Derek asking what the CD was all about, he giving the simple explanation that he figured Derek could use some happy music to start the day.

It became basically a routine after that, setting aside time each day to somehow let Derek know someone out there was thinking of him. He would spend his free period at school texting him, or stop by his place at night, swearing ‘I made too much for dinner, thought you might like it’.

It was easy to do because he liked how genuinely surprised Derek always looked, and maybe he liked doing things for Derek just because he could. It went on like this for a while before he stopped by the loft one day and Derek wasn’t there.

He meant to leave when he found the place empty, but instead he ended up on the bed pulling the diary back out and opening it up. He found where he had last left off, going through the week Cora had been there and then after that, his name started coming up a lot.

_Stiles is acting weird._

_Stiles was here today._

_Stiles brought me dinner again?_

_Stiles actually has decent taste in music._

What got him though, was when he spotted the line marked as bad, that said ‘I think Stiles might like me.” That stayed on the list for a few days before it moved to indifferent, and then on the last entry, listed as good, ‘I think he likes me. Someone good might actually like me.’

Stiles’ heart did a strange fluttering thing when, a few lines down, Derek wrote, ‘I feel like I might matter to someone and it’s weird’.

Stiles thought it over for all of a second before leaning over to dig through the nearby nightstand, finding a pen and writing on the next page in bold letters,

" ** _Of course you matter, idiot. Come over later if you want to know how much. -Stiles_** "

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be funny and then things got all intense, help.
> 
> come say hi at my [tumblr](http://www.larkspurleaf.tumblr.com)
> 
> (Unbeta'd)


End file.
